Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Dress Shop Shuffle

What happens when you take two very active toddlers into a department store? Why... you end up doing the Dress Shop Shuffle of course.

1. First place the toddlers into a twin stroller. Buckle them up nice and tight... You don't want them escaping.

2. Carefully move the HUGE stroller between the cramped clothing racks. When you crash on occasion.. smile and glance around to make sure no one is watching.

3. Sternly warn the toddlers.. "Do not touch anything!" Then... WHEN the toddlers fail to heed your warning, bend over to pick up various articles of clothing as you pass each rack. Bend.. pick... bend... pick and 5...6...7...8...

Your doing good ladies!

4. Next... Dare to actually look at clothing. Mind you.. this is a very dangerous step and should only be attempted by the most experienced Super Moms. Because only the experienced mom knows there is a sequence you MUST follow... A perfect rhythm that MUST be kept...
glance right.. down stroller... glance left... down stroller...forward... left...down.. right...down.. forward... left..down...right..down...forward...


Got the rhythm? Good!

5. You spot a sale rack! $4.00 Bermuda shorts and tank tops.. You lose concentration as your mind wanders... Let's see this one is good for Kayleigh.. Gracee would LOVE this one.. Maybe I should get two..... hmmm

6. Suddenly you hear a giggle. OH NO! You turn to look.. Sure enough... there is a reason you call toddler number two "Skinny Reni." She has escaped her seat belt and unbuckled her brother as well.

7. She quickly darts off. You chase her under... through and OVER clothing racks... leaving your stroller, purse and son behind. Oops... you run back to grab your son.

8. Other customers watch in amusement as you vainly yell... "NO! STOP! COME BACK HERE! 1..2..3...." All attempts fail. Until finally you catch her by the ankle as she attempts to crawl between the legs of a mannequin.

9. She kicks, screams and bites. Throwing a two year old fit. You desperately try to hold onto BOTH toddlers as you make your way back to the stroller. They wiggle.. you squirm... wiggle... squirm... wiggle.. squirm.. trying to push each one back onto your hips.

10. Back at the stroller, you buckle the escape artist in first... muttering under your breath.. "Just wait until I get you home." Meanwhile toddler number one thinks Sissy's game looks like a lot of fun. He grins as he jumps out of the stroller. Here we go again....

11. Whew! Time for intermission. All toddlers all caught and restrained. You give them a couple of books off a nearby shelf. They're now quiet and reformed. So you continue to finish your shopping.

12. After a few minutes all is forgotten. Shopping is complete for the children. You begin to head toward the checkout counter. When suddenly...

13. You spot the cutest little outfit for yourself. You think to yourself... No! Just keep walking... But it's on sale and the babies are being really good... the smart thing to do is just keep walking... But today is NOT your smart day.

14. You grab the outfit and head to the nearest dressing room! BIG MISTAKE!

15. The stroller is too large for the dressing area. So you park it just outside the door. You set the babies on the table inside the room and again sternly warn them to stay put! You begin to undress...

16. Your vision is blocked for merely a moment as you remove your shirt. You turn around. Where is toddler number 2? You twirl around several times.... she's gone! You hear a faint giggle on the other side of the partitioned wall. You drop to the ground and look underneath the wall. Yep.. toddler number 2 is crawling from dressing room to dressing room.

17. Once again you make a vain attempt to call her back. When that doesn't work! You exit the room... Topless... in hopes of snagging her before she leaves the dressing area entirely. You barely succeed!

18. Completely exhausted and mortified... you give up all hopes of buying anything for yourself. Instead... you take only the children's clothing and head to the nearest check out.

So in quick review here's the Dress Shop Shuffle:

Buckle... Crash...bend...pick...bend... pick...bend...pick...glance right... down stroller... glance left... down stroller... forward... left...down.. right...down... forward...
STOP!

Yell..."NO! STOP! COME BACK HERE! 1...2...3..."
wiggle... squirm... wiggle.. squirm... Buckle...Crash... AGAIN!
Now
REST!
Strip...twirl...fall down... jump up.... RUN!... CATCH...dress...go...crash...go...
NOW BREATHE!!!


Yet even with all the commotion, I can't help but think about this post. I once prayed for just one tiny movement. Now I pray for just one tiny moment. God is sooo good! I am so thankful that both of my toddlers are healthy enough... to run me raggid. :)

Love in Christ,

1 comments:

Stephanie RN BSN (to be!) said...

Wow, what a trip! You poor Mommy :)